Durango drivers have a lot to say about politics, religion, the environment and life in general.
Just look at the bumper stickers seen around town.
Some are serious in tone – “Fix Democracy in this country first.”
Others mischievous – “I still have the body of an 18 year old. But it’s in my truck and it’s starting to smell.”
Residents want more wag and less bark. They are already against the next war. And they are desperate for more cowbell.
Some stickers are stuck to the rear or a side window, making them easy to remove when it comes time to sell the car or if a politician becomes a national embarrassment – “Weiner for U.S. Congress.” Others are slapped on paint, melting in the hot sun, forever affixed to the car – “Gore-Lieberman 2000.”
Durangoans are not known for maintaining clean cars, and it is a marvel some stickers stay attached.
“Hike faster, I hear banjo music,” reads one.
When reached this week, Gary Cook, a banjo player with the Bar D Wranglers, said he takes no offense. In fact, he plans to use the line in an upcoming show at the Bar D Chuckwagon Suppers.
“I haven’t seen that, but I like it,” he said.
Durango drivers love to brag about their children via bumper stickers. “Proud parent of an honor student at Miller Middle School.” But not every parent has an honor student, so they find other ways to boast: “My kids eat bugs.”
Not to be outdone, pet owners have their own bragging rights: “My dog behaves better than your kid,” and “My Chihuahua is smarter than your honor student.”
Gary Bischoff, who drives a 2009 black Toyota Tacoma, has a sticker that reads: “It takes a big man to walk a small dog.”
Bischoff, who is 5 feet 8 inches tall and weighs 180 pounds, said his wife dresses up their 10-pound Chihuahua, Luna, in a pink harness and a pink leash, “and then she makes me walk her.”
Bumper stickers can be amusing for traffic police patrolling the streets, said Durango Police Department Officer Leonard Martinez. But they’re not likely to get anyone out of a ticket, he said.
The drivers who display military-related stickers – including the “Support our troops” ribbon magnet – tend to be the nicest during traffic stops, he said.
“The treatment that you get from those folks is a lot better than a lot of the others,” Martinez said. “They understand that you’re doing a job just like anybody that is in the military – because that’s kind of what (police work) is based on.”
Here’s an interesting take on the military: “God Bless our troops, especially our snipers.”
Drivers also use bumper stickers to express their spiritual beliefs.
One woman, who drives a 1989 Chevy Blazer, bought a sticker years ago that reads: “My religion is simple, my religion is kindness” – a quote from the Dalai Lama.
The sticker began to fall off, but she liked it so much she had another one custom made.
“It reminds me that I want to be kind,” said the woman, who asked not to be identified. “I like to put things on there that mean something to me and might mean something to someone else.”
Some drivers mix religion with politics: “Jesus didn’t ride an elephant” – a slam on Republicans who assert religious superiority.
Others take issue with religion altogether: “Born again? What makes you think you’ll get it right this time?” And, “I found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time.”
It is clear Durangoans care deeply about the environment, some more than their fellow man. “Save an elk, shoot a land developer,” reads one sticker on a yellow Jeep Wrangler.
One common bumper sticker seen around town reads: “Pillage at Wolf Creek,” with a red circle and a line through it over the pillage. It is an opposition to a proposal to build a 10,000-unit village at the base of Wolf Creek Ski Area. Developers have since scaled back the plan, but the proposal still irks some residents.
“It won’t die,” said Sarah Merritt, who sports the sticker on a black Honda Accord. “It keeps coming back.”
Durangoans are conscientious about food: “Love people. Cook them tasty food,” and “Vegetarians do it with relish (but wear a condiment).”
And they love their booze: “Zero to naked in 1.2 bottles of wine,” as seen on a white Lexus LX450 parked at the La Plata County Humane Society Thrift Store, and “Beer now cheaper than gasoline. So don’t drive ... drink.”
One driver has attempted to characterize all Durango residents with one bumper sticker: “I think everyone in this town is high.”
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STEVE LEWIS/Durango Herald Joseph Martinez does his best Billy Idol impression while posing for a photo with the car he bought last September. Martinez said the stickers came with the 30-year-old vehicle. "I just thought they were really cool," Martinez said when asked why he left the stickers on. "It's just an old car, I figured it gave it character."
