‘Twas the day before Christmas and all through our towns,
Events of the past year brought smiles and frowns;
So here we are, readers – it’s time that we show ’em
The annual doggerel Action Line poem.
First, let us turn to political matter
With GOP hineys served up on a platter;
It happened with Romney’s clandestine lament
About the entitled forty-seven percent.
But national politics remain such a bore
Compared to the ones happ’ning right at our door;
The race for the statehouse, a miserable cycle
For incumbent J. Paul and his challenger Michael.
The contest drew money from interests afar
The campaign turned nasty, the mailings bizarre;
Millions were spent with these caution’ry notes,
McLaughlin prevailed by eight hundred votes
With county commissioners a tight referendum
Both Julie and Gwen made quite the addendum;
The Tea Party’s influence is hastily waning
While backers of land-use are rapidly gaining.
The government’s role in our lives is perplexing
Especially with opposite issues so vexing;
As revenue wanes and entitlement waxes,
The people want service, but not higher taxes.
A ‘grass’-roots campaign that would legalize pot
Persuaded the voters where others had not;
And then there were moments of overwrought drama
The Fort Lewis visit of Mrs. Obama.
Enough of this recap of recent elections
Let’s look at events that can prompt deep reflections;
A tough fire season did not get much wetter,
the bears of Durango didn’t have it much better.
A council increasingly turns to the left
A semblance of balance completely bereft;
Smoking verboten in all outdoor venues
– What’s next? A ban on desserts on our menus?
And then there’s the measure completely bombastic
A serious attempt barring bags made of plastic;
The path that the city maintains is its mission
Might very well lead down the road to perdition.
Bike-race promoters with grandiose taste
Blew into town and left promptly in haste;
The hotels were empty, the shops hardly busy
The Pro Challenge critics were up in a tizzy.
Prepare for an onslaught of twenty-five thousand!
You’ll rake in the money by renting your housin’!
Did we get snookered? Was this event dumb?
When asked for a comment, the city was mum.
A different to-do proved to be less suspect
We all came together for Durango Connect;
A plan that was simple, a notion so grand
We celebrate trails by just holding hands.
The fee for a franchise the voters have reckoned
could pay for repaving the street Thirty-Second;
Yet CDOT is stuck with its Bridge to Nowhere
The lawsuits and bungling a shameful affair.
And speaking of traffic, it’s rather absurd
how flash-yellow arrows are signals preferred;
Can someone explain how abundance of arrows
Cause less confusion for cowtown vaqueros?
La Plata Electric resists going green
A forthcoming rate hike reverts to the mean;
A zombie march happened with less confrontation;
Hats off to the cops and their tactics less brazen.
Another occurrence of dubious mention
A mother and daughter get too much attention.
An underage party, the Spies will not kowtow –
Could Miki and Sydney end up in the hoosegow?
While Action Line labors to keep things quite light,
Ignoring one story just wouldn’t be right
A tragedy lingers, a missing boy Dylan
We pray for some answers the Good Lord be willin’;
So peace be with you, hope your Christmas is white.
Today, in our hearts, let us sing “Silent Night”;
And here’s to a season abundant with cheer –
Best holiday wishes and happy New Year.
Email questions to firstname.lastname@example.org or mail them to Action Line, The Durango Herald, 1275 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301. You can request anonymity if you figure out how the Bridge to Nowhere could be moved to span the gap of the “fiscal cliff.”