Alternate legal suite could resolve bag issues

It’s so difficult in life to make important decisions, especially with so much intelligent input. Should the City Council tax plastic bags at grocery stores? I’ve seen good points from both sides. I am now worried about landfills, E. coli and Fido’s cleanup issues.

In order to simplify the edict that the City Council seems poised to enact, I propose these laws be created instead:

A law stating that checkout employees be trained to put more than three items in a plastic bag. (It’s embarrassing to walk out of Walmart with 20 bags when I bought a dozen limes for margaritas.

A law that grocery stores must hang signs in the parking lot to remind shoppers to get the reusable bags out of the trunk. How many times have you forgotten and put the pet in the trunk?

A law that the reusable bag ladies must wash their reusable bags. What else are they using those bags for, anyway?

A law proposing that with proof-of-pet-ownership, shoppers will be exempt from the fee. Otherwise, I’m raiding the Colorado Trail trailhead.

A law to provide delousing stations at grocery store entrances for those bag-toting tree huggers.

Now, this should simplify our cute, humble, Western town. Or, as my buddy, a rancher from the 1800s asks, “Why don’t we use paper bags?”

Andy Krafthefer

Durango

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