‘Durango Bag’ sends clear message about local priorities

Courtesy of KennethCole.com

The Durango Leather Messenger Bag from Kenneth Cole New York offers a luxurious option as a reusable grocery bag.

Do you think this aptly named man-purse will be part of the council’s educational-outreach program regarding reusable bags? – Tim Maher

Along with his email inquiry, our good friend and loyal correspondent Tim Maher provides a link to the image for the “Durango Leather Messenger Bag” from Kenneth Cole New York. You can see it’s quite handsome.

The item is part of the designer’s multipiece “Durango” collection and priced at $195 to $395 each.

The price tag is considerably greater than the 10 cents a Durango bag from Durango will cost. On the other hand, local bags are single-use plastic while Kenneth Cole’s are quality leather.

Macy’s online retail website gushed thusly about the Durango bag (the leather one, not the plastic one): “Living out of a bag has never been so easy as when you melt into the rich, pebbled leather exteriors of a collection that expertly mixes function and luxury ... with ample storage and organization space.”

Anyway, the Durango bag from New York is the perfect local tote.

Consider that for many Durangoans, the things carried on the roof rack of the car are worth more than the car.

So naturally, it makes total sense that the bag in which we carry groceries is worth more than the groceries.

Is it true that the City Council has decided to ban second bathrooms in local homes to conserve water and lessen the burden for the sewage-treatment plant? I understand from coffee-shop gossip that the council knows full well that the “bath ban” ordinance will have no effect whatsoever but will make upwards of 10 to 12 residents feel good. – It’s a Banner Year

You might say the city is awash in progressive ideas and flush with zealotry, but a “bath ban” is not the No. 1 or No. 2 issue at the municipal seat of power. It’s not even in the pipeline.

Water conservation will be voluntary for now. But that doesn’t mean the city won’t attempt to solve many other problems at the local level.

Take global warming. Durango prides itself as being a cool place where people chill out with cold microbrews. So that pretty much takes care of the whole climate-change thing, right?

Recycling is highly encouraged. This explains why several heaps of scrap iron are displayed in the middle of the Florida Road roundabout.

To reduce the use of cars, the city is making parking more expensive. As we all know, higher parking fees will bring Forest Lakes and Durango West several miles closer to downtown.

But the largest strides have been made in overpopulation, as the city keeps birthrates in check by discouraging adulthood.

Here’s how the program works. Young males are easily distracted by kayaking, fishing, skiing, mountain biking and rock climbing. So the city goes to great lengths to promote such recreation.

These rigorous activities divert attention from the fact there are few well-paying local professional jobs.

Rather than cater to “yuppies,” Young Urban Professionals, the city accommodates “puppies,” Professionally Underpaid People Into Extreme Sports, who don’t settle down.

Likewise, young females typically put up with Patagonia-clad Peter Pans for many years. But after a while, they realize futons are uncomfortable, beard stubble is gross, waitressing is hard work and Denver’s not so bad after all.

Adult avoidance works. While 84 percent of Durangoans are 18 years or older, only 40 percent of that group is married, according to the latest U.S. Census data. Nationwide, nearly 60 percent of folks age 18-plus are hitched.

Moreover, Durango’s adult-avoidance initiative is influencing local demographics. In the last decade, the percentage of kids 19 and younger fell from 25 percent of head count to 22.5 percent.

Thus, Durangoans are more prone to behave like children instead of actually having them.

Email questions to actionline@durangoherald.com or mail them to Action Line, The Durango Herald, 1275 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301. You can request anonymity if you take a five-minute timeout after throwing a tantrum.

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