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Farewell, fluffy

Finding ways to remember our beloved pet companions

She purred in your lap and warmed your legs at night. His tail was always wagging when you came home, and he never missed an opportunity to jump in the water or stick his head out of the car window. And now, as happens with furry companions far too often, his or her life is coming to an end.

“With an animal, you expect to outlive them,” said veterinarian Jennifer Schoedler, owner of Alpine Animal Hospital. “You see them go through all their life stages, from puppies who ate the couch to the old dog who can barely walk.”

But knowing you’re going to outlive them and recognizing that death is approaching doesn’t make the loss any easier for the pet’s humans.

“Veterinarians get a lot more practice at death than human medical practitioners,” Schoedler said. “It’s a profound thing to be part of a family’s loss. Most adults are so afraid of it; death scares us so much.”

In the last year, Schoedler has euthanised about 140 beloved companions.

“Some people think we’re playing God,” she said. “But euthanasia is all about a good death, having a good ending, ending suffering. When you talk about it like that, most people get it.”

But be careful about the terminology, Schoedler said.

“I don’t use the phrase ‘putting to sleep,’” she said, “because I don’t want children to be afraid to fall asleep. I say dying, heart stopping, they’re going away.”

Most children handle death better than adults think they will, she says, although children younger than 6 don’t always understand the permanence of it.

“But kids are really good at writing stories and drawing pictures, bringing a blanket or a collar that can be cremated with their pet,” she said. “Sometimes, I recommend doing that to adults who are stuck in their grief.”

It’s not all that easy for the veterinarians, either.

“I thought it would become easier as I got used to it,” Schoedler said. “But if anything, it’s harder, the loss is cumulative. I’ve been here since 1998, and the first puppies and kittens I saw are now aging and dying.”

While she had classes at veterinary school in dealing with the owners who are making the important decision for their pets, there’s only so much classroom training can do, she said.

“The classes in vet school focused on the ethics, not making the decision for the family,” she said. “But some things, like how to comfort people, can’t be taught.”

Schoedler has strong memories of losing her dog, Flicka, and cat, Hobbes. She did the euthanasia herself on her cat, but she thinks might have been a mistake. For Flicka, it was obviously time as he just stopped moving. Schoedler’s colleague performed the euthanasia, so she could just be a grieving owner.

As important as lifelong care is for pets, giving them a good death is crucial, she said.

“Sometimes, I’m in there, and I’m a complete mess,” Schoedler said. “But I tell my staff that we can never mess up a pet euthanasia, it’s just too important. Plus, I don’t want to get a bad rep in cat heaven from stressing them out in the last few minutes of their lives.”

X marks the spot

How people handle their pets’ deaths and choose to remember them varies widely based on religious beliefs and cultural values, Schoedler said.

“I’ve had people burn incense, wrap their pet in beads, do some kind of crystal New Age stuff I never quite understood,” she said. “One time, it was the pet of a kid away in college who had grown up with the dog, and he was talking to the dog on his cellphone during the dog’s last minutes.”

For some people, particularly Buddhists and strict Catholics, euthanasia isn’t on the table, so Schoedler helps them provide the animal version of hospice care. That takes a special kind of owner, she said.

People’s ideas of how to remember cats, dogs, guinea pigs and other assorted critters may range from a cross in the backyard with the pet’s collar on it to elaborate memorials.

“Some people scatter the ashes along a favorite hiking route or keep them on the mantel,” she said. “For some people, a photo is enough.”

Schoedler has always sent sympathy cards and has tried other techniques, such as giving people a lock of hair from their pet or a plaster cast of a pawprint.

Teresa Jordan, who works as a demonstrator for Stampin’ Up, a cardmaking and scrapbooking company, has begun making handmade cards for friends who have lost a furry companion.

“People really appreciate them,” she said. “When we lose a human loved one, people are very sympathetic. For a pet loss, not so much. But people are becoming more and more sensitive that friends are grieving.”

Remembering Minnie

While Juliet Whitfield has had many dogs in her life, there was only one Minnie.

“Minnie was a memorable dog,” she said about the Jack Russell terrier, who died at age 13 of cancer in January. “She was charismatic and ‘game on’ when there was a party. Kids would come over and ask if Minnie could come out to play.”

Minnie came into her life as a 6-month-old rescue dog. Whitfield can thank the little spitfire for more than companionship.

“Minnie’s the reason I got into dog training,” she said. “She was such a challenging and interesting personality.”

After Whitfield lost both her father and Minnie within a week of each other, she did something special for Minnie as well as honoring her dad, so she commissioned an artist in Santa Fe to create a sandstone grave marker.

Rob Hahn of Family Craft Memorials in Durango also creates lots of memorials for pets, including several for his own.

“I ask people to bring in a river rock with a flat surface rather than going for a formal granite marker,” he said. “It seems more personal, and a lot of them bring a rock they collected from a place that meant something to them.”

Pet owners who opt for cremation in La Plata County might find the ashes returned in a beautiful wooden box with the animal’s name engraved on it, courtesy of Ellis Longfellow and his Pine River Animal Aftercare.

“It’s nice to do something that helps people feel better about the situation,” he said.

abutler@durangoherald.com



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