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Vegan vagrancy begs the question of niche panhandling

A Durango panhandler outside the Albertsons supermarket is quite selective in his requests for benevolence: vegan food only.

You will probably recognize this photo’s location as the median near the Albertsons parking lot. Should the ACLU argue that this panhandler be given a dispensation to be in the median because of the special nature of his hunger? Then again, anti-panhandlers could retort that vegans are often hungry. What do you think? – The Curmudgeon

It’s certainly food for thought and a meaty issue. Many in the community would have a bone to pick with vegan vagrancy.

But, it brings up three interesting points: Is there such a thing as a proper pauper? Why has Durango become so high on itinerants’ itineraries? And should beggars be choosers?

Any way these questions are answered, Action Line will get hate mail. So the Mea Culpa Mailbag is ready for your missives.

And just to be clear, we’re not making fun of the poor or needy; they need our respect and help.

Rather, this is an issue in which apparently able-bodied people promulgate their hunger while eschewing eggs, chicken, hamburger, steaks, fish, lamb, milk, yogurt, honey, ice cream or any animal-derived food.

That’s just plain absurd.

Instead of being outraged, we can be amused. Moreover, the only way to explain this is through the brutal but honest lens of the marketplace.

Recall your economics lessons. When there’s more competition, there’s more specialization.

We have certainly seen a rise in the number of people holding cardboard signs. So, it’s only natural that panhandlers are driven to differentiate themselves and establish “niche markets.”

Don’t be surprised to see a curbside mendicant with a sign reading “Hungry. Paleo. Bacon Wanted” as a counterbalance the plant-centric Albertsons asker.

Should this trend continue – and there’s nothing to say it won’t – we might see some interesting hyper-local appeals.

What about: “Will Kayak 4 I.P.A.” It’s fitting for a town that prides itself on river recreation and craft-brew consumption.

Another possible sign: “Urgent: 2014 Mountain Bike Needs Update.” Durango’s sprocket-heads can rally around this sad situation.

“Yoga Mat Worn Out ... Anything Helps.” Durangoans have the financial flexibility for this need.

And suppose you see a gaunt person with glowing skin standing by the side of the road and holding a totally blank piece of cardboard?

Obviously, this person is on a cleanse. They don’t want food of any sort. They just wanted you to know they are on a cleanse.

On the other side of the spectrum, “Desperate For Truck Lift Kit” is a message to tug many a county heartstring. So would “Have Saddle, Need Horse.”

And the way things are going around here, we can expect to see the following:

“Don’t Like Airport. Need $85 million.”

“City Hiked Water Rates. Can’t Afford To Shower.”

Or “Spare Change for Boulevard Parking Permit?”

Pretty soon, the city won’t have any cardboard to recycle because it’s all being used for panhandling signs.

As a result, single-stream recycling rates will have to rise dramatically in order to make up for the deficit caused by the shift in cardboard usage.

Email questions to actionline@durangoherald.com or mail them to Action Line, The Durango Herald, 1275 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301. You can request anonymity if you join Action Line and Mrs. Action Line at the Community Foundation’s fundraising reception at 6 p.m. Wednesday at the Rochester Secret Garden. It’s a great cause powered by good folks who look forward to a day when cardboard signs aren’t necessary.



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