While getting my driver’s license renewed, the technician said, “no smiling!” when it came time to take the photo. He clarified this to say that I wasn’t allowed to show any teeth in the picture. Driving makes me happy so I wondered why the reason for enforced sadness? Sign me, Driving Ms. Grumpy
If you hate your driver’s license photo (which is pretty much everyone), the latest procedure from Division of Motor Vehicles won’t put a smile on your face.
First of all, from this point forward, your official Colorado-issued photo I.D. will be in black and white instead of color.
Next, rather than showing off those pearly whites, you must have a “neutral expression,” more akin to a mug shot.
Oh, and if you wear glasses, you’ll be required to remove them before not saying “cheese.”
It’s not the doing of dour DMV denizens who toil in the least chipper place on Earth.
Instead, it’s the Centennial State contributing to global security.
Back in April, Colorado began using a new license-making computer system that features advanced facial-recognition software.
How it works is all hush-hush.
However, DMV officials pointed out at the time that gray-scale boosts facial recognition.
In addition, when you get a “photo,” it’s no longer a normal flat image.
The DMV’s new cameras enhance and measure various areas of your face and encrypt the data.
Thus, you need to wipe that smile off your face.
Appear as if you are having a facial scan at the DMV after a long wait surrounded by people who don’t want to be there.
That shouldn’t be too difficult.
Anyway, your news colorless, joyless driver’s license might just come in handy.
Think about when you get pulled over. Do you suddenly feel giddy?
When you hand the officer your unhappy license, there’s no doubt you resemble the person depicted and the ticketing process will go more smoothly.
I love to buy locally. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. I also like to be green by limiting energy consumption. What do I do when these conflict? One of my favorite downtown stores props its front doors wide open day and night in the middle of winter. When I made my last extravagant purchase there, I didn’t feel warm and fuzzy; I felt guilty for supporting such blatant misuse of resources. What’s a local greenie to do? Sign me, Trying To Do Right
Action Line tried to find some marketing research showing how open doors increase foot traffic and sales.
Instead, there were plenty of websites documenting how expensive and wasteful the practice is.
For instance, a 2010 study by Cambridge University showed open doors at one shop needlessly resulted in 10 tons of carbon dioxide released into the atmosphere, the equivalent of three London-Singapore jet flights.
Conversely, keeping doors shut in winter saved 50 percent on a shop’s energy bill.
In New York and some other big cities, stores are prohibited from having open doors when the air conditioning is on.
No such laws exist here.
But before anyone jumps on the shut-the-door bandwagon, remember that failed ban on plastic bags. We don’t need meddlesome laws from sanctimonious zealots.
That includes bans on plastic bags and bans on fluoride. But that’s another matter.
Action Line suggests greenies approach a store manager in a calm, non-uppity manner.
This might be quite difficult for righteous environmentalists, but please try. Tantrums don’t influence.
(This applies to you anger-consumed right-wingers as well, by the way.)
Point out the money savings and increase profit margins by shutting the door.
State that you can’t shop at any open-door establishment; therefore, the open doors are repelling customers.
And promise to promote the store amongst your friends when the energy-wasting practice changes.
Think globally. Shop vocally.
Email questions to firstname.lastname@example.org or mail them to Action Line, The Durango Herald, 1275 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301. You can ask for anonymity if you knew that Snowdown 2017 is a mere 361 days away.