DEAR ABBY: I’m almost an adult now, and I’m starting to think about having children and a good marriage of my own. But I have a disturbing memory from childhood.
When I was 6 or 7 and staying at my grandparents’ house, and my grandmother would go outside to check the mail or water the flowers, my grandfather would try to put his hands on my private parts. He wouldn’t speak a word to me ever, even if she was around. In fact, I’m quite sure I never witnessed him say anything at all to anyone. But as soon as Grandma was out of sight, well, that was his chance to put his hands on me, then laugh when I tried to wiggle away.
After I remembered the episodes, I tried to bring this up with my mom in order to get her support. Abby, she reacted as if there was something really wrong with me or that I was lying!
I don’t want him near my future children. I have no real relationship with him. I know these memories are real. What should I do in reference to Mom’s response? – Moving on from the Past
DEAR MOVING ON: In reference to your mother’s response when you told her that her father molested you when you were little, conclude that the same thing likely happened to her. You should also conclude that, if that’s the case, she knew what he was capable of and did nothing to protect you. For that reason, your grandfather should not be allowed to be around your children – or any children, for that matter.
Because of the seriousness of what happened to you, it would be a good idea for you to contact R.A.I.N.N. (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network). Its website is rainn.org and the toll-free phone number is (800) 656-4673.
DEAR ABBY: My elderly mother lost her husband and will be moving in with me. The problem is, Mom is one of those people for whom nothing is ever good enough. One of my siblings has already informed me that Mom told her my house, my neighborhood, my town, our hospitals, etc. are not good enough for her. I’m worried that after she moves in and I hear her complain every day, I’ll lose my temper. Do you have any words of wisdom for me? – Dreading It in the South
DEAR DREADING: I sure do. Ask your mother now, before she relocates, if what your sibling said is true. And if it is, do not let her move into your home.