‘Twas a week before Christmas and all through our towns,
Events of the past year brought smiles and frowns.
Traditions aplenty for this time of year;
So here is your poem for holiday jeer.
It’s doggerel, and certainly not that artistic;
But if it insults you, just don’t go ballistic.
The rhymes will be tortured in meter and verse;
The year in review goes from bad into worse.
At Fort Lewis College, they want a new name
Declining enrollment is partly to blame;
According to Skylar all golden and blue,
“Come down to Durango and get the bird F.L.U.”
The leadership change that’s upon the horizon;
a toast for Dene Thomas, we raise a hefeweisen.
And meanwhile the county has picked Joanne Spina,
A manager perfect for times that are lean-a.
The chief of police that the city selected
Ensures that the people are served and protected.
Our wastewater treatment deserves to be skewered;
Invent your own punch line for municipal sewer.
Durango’s exalted commission on art
Announced a new project, another false start.
“We’ll make intersections a visual park!
What could go wrong with Round 2 of the Arc?”
Why must we decorate that highway junction?
Installing a sculpture puts form before function.
Admit that the roadside is less than ideal,
But art cognoscenti are into surreal.
The sidewalks are crowded with lawless malfragrance;
It’s drunkards and junkies and beggars and vagrants.
Just don’t give them money, it’s all a big con.
We need to pass rules to make them move on.
The Herald editions, once seven, now four,
With digital content, it means less is more.
Can no one see how much the facts are at stake,
When people shun papers for news that is fake?
Regardless, the headlines still carry some weight,
Especially for Bayfield whose team captured state.
And what of the bear who invaded in that car?
Accounts of his joy ride were read near and far.
The same for the out-of-state trucker of beer.
His brakes overheated, up-ramp he did steer
The cargo spilled outward, but it was all right.
It wasn’t the good stuff… ‘twas only Bud Light!
We laugh at the dumb things like Bridges and such,
But in the big picture, they matter not much.
A serious moment we all must abide
Acknowledge the scourge of much suicide.
The terrible fire, the loss of a life;
Political climate encouraging strife.
These are the things that should offer much trouble
To those all ensconced in Durango’s famed bubble.
The price of our housing is shockingly high;
The wages too low for the jobs we all ply.
Still there’s no place that we’d rather be.
(If only some snow would fall on Purgatory.)
So here’s to a year that’s not filled with travail,
With good luck and fortune, we all can prevail.
Here’s warm season’s greetings and kindest of wishes
From Action Line Mr. and Action Line Mrs.
H H HIn the Holiday Mea Culpa Mailbag, a timely dispatch from our good friend Rick Feeney.
“I just received a ‘Newsflash’ from DurangoGov.org. about Christmas tree recycling. It clearly states: ‘Christmas trees can be recycled at Santa Rita Park Dec 18, 2017 through Jan 31, 2018,” Rick writes via email.
“As I recall, Christmas is December 25th. Who will be recycling Christmas trees on December 18th? Those poor folks who have to work on Christmas?”
Rick continues: “I wonder how many trees will get recycled before the 26th? Hell, ours won’t be recycled until sometime this spring.”
Email questions to firstname.lastname@example.org or mail them to Action Line, The Durango Herald, 1275 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301. You can ask for anonymity if you start holiday shopping sometime this week.