DEAR ABBY: I was divorced for 10 years, and am now remarried. Four months after we said “I do,” my first husband left me on Valentine’s Day, without a word.
It was out of character for him not to come home, and I was so worried that I reported him missing to the police. If that wasn’t enough, he left me with the power and water bills and our rent was three months late.
A few weeks later, he sent me an email. It read: “Don’t bother me. I’m fine. Move on!” I was trying to do exactly that when, a month later, he knocked on my door, asking me to forgive him. I thought I had, but it still bothers me.
My ex is now begging me to give him a second chance. He has changed for the good, and says he hasn’t been with anyone for more than two weeks because they can’t live up to me. I have always loved him. He had a drinking problem, but he’s been sober for nine years now.
I’m not very happy with my second husband, and haven’t been for a long time. Now someone I have always loved wants me back, and I don’t know what to do. Please help. – Confounded in North Carolina
DEAR CONFOUNDED: I noticed you didn’t describe what is wrong with your second marriage. If it’s fixable, it would be a mistake to throw him aside without first trying to remedy the problem.
Your first husband treated you with brutal disregard. If he has changed, he wouldn’t be trying to break up your marriage. Be warned.
DEAR ABBY: I have been going through some tough times during the last few months. I have handled them as well as I can, but something just pushed me over the edge.
I’m not formally educated. I have no college education. I graduated from high school, but I was home-schooled and people tend to not take me seriously when they find that out. I opted out of college because I couldn’t afford the loans. I love to learn and have continued to educate myself.
But today, someone I respected told me I’m not as smart as he is because I never went to college. He outright called me stupid and said I should stop pretending to be intelligent.
Abby, I am skilled with my hands. I own my own business and spend most of my time reading on various topics. When I told him his comment hurt me, he laughed and said that just proved I wasn’t as intelligent as he is. I know he’s not right, but I can’t stop thinking about it. Can you help me? – Street Smart in Alaska
DEAR STREET SMART: Gladly! The individual you were talking to isn’t intelligent; he is a classless boor who tries to make himself feel superior by putting down the people around him.
If you are as smart as you say you are, you will avoid him as though he has an infectious social disease. It’s true, because cruelty can be contagious.