On the side door at Home Depot, there’s a big sign that says, “Exit.” However, on the door itself, you’ll see another sign reading “Welcome.” How can you greet people where they’re not supposed to be? Or is “Exit” merely a friendly suggestion, the same way bicyclists regard stop signs around here? Sign me, Cummings N. Goings
Action Line thought this door investigation would be an open-and-shut case, especially after talking to the nice person who answered the phone at the big-box store south of town.
With confidence, the nice person said that the “Exit” door was most definitely the portal to the outside. “Of course it’s an exit,” the person insisted.
Moreover, the person authoritatively stated that the exit could only be opened automatically by shoppers approaching from inside the store.
At which point the needle on Action Line’s finely-tuned Doubt-O-Meter veered into the red zone.
“But what about this photo a reader sent me clearly showing a ‘Welcome’ exterior sign on the ‘Exit’ door?”
The answer was delivered swiftly and with total conviction: “Oh, that must be some kids fooling around. That sign wasn’t there a month ago.”
That prompted Action Line to channel his inner Ronald Reagan, who famously invoked this Russian proverb during disarmament talks:
“Trust but verify.”
So, it’s off to Home Depot we went.
Only there was no “we” this Saturday morning.
Mrs. Action Line had a ton of grading to do on the weekend, so time is a precious commodity.
“Go ahead and check it out. But I’m sure the last time we were at Home Depot, we went in through that door,” she said.
Mrs. Action Line summed it up perfectly: “This sounds like, ‘the dog ate my homework.’”
No one pulls a fast one on Mrs. Action Line.
Sure enough, upon in-person inspection, the “Exit” not only opened from the outside, but many customers were using it as an entrance.
And why not? It says, “Welcome.”
Moreover, the “Welcome” sign was professionally applied and laminated to the door, so there’s no way young hooligans were involved.
But the most ironic discovery was the fact that the salutation “Welcome” only appeared on the “Exit” door and not on any of Home Depot’s three entrances.
Action Line pointed out the discrepancies to an orange-aproned associate lumbering down in the lumber aisle.
“It’s OK if people enter through the exit. However you come in, we’re just glad you’re here,” the associate said without missing a beat.
So those are the ins and outs of entering and exiting, and Action Line will no longer digress about egress.
H H HLast week’s column about the wildly inaccurate weather forecast was, itself, far off the mark.
Loyal reader Bob Bucher points out that the correct adage about spring weather is this: “March goes in like a lion and out like a lamb.” Not vice versa.
Action Line will sheepishly admit to transposing those animals and deserves the lion’s share of critter criticism.
Email questions to email@example.com or mail them to Action Line, The Durango Herald, 1275 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301. You can request anonymity if May flowers bring April showers. Or is it the other way around?