Two kind readers provided a spring break surprise. Not only did they make inquiries, but they provided responses, as well. It must be March madness.
So now Action Line can relax on the veranda with a fruity adult leisure beverage, the kind with bendy straws and a little umbrella perched on the rim. Meanwhile, Mrs. Action Line nibbles on bonbons and thumbs through the latest Vogue magazine.
Ah, the lush life. This must be what it's like to be an AIG executive.
Special thanks to readers "David" and "Jan," who are this week's guest contributors. Both wanted to shy away from the limelight, preferring to toil as anonymous sage surrogates.
In prefacing his submission, David wrote: "Since I know that you are sometimes forced to write both the question and the answer for Action Line, I thought it appropriate that I write both of them for you this time."
He added: "And I would also like to offer a laurel and a hearty handshake and welcome you as our new sheriff."
Actually - and this is the truth - Action Line loves "Blazing Saddles" but doesn't make up the questions. Seriously. Inquiries are genuine and originate from real, live community members.
Scout's honor. Action Line was an Eagle Scout, a fact Mrs. Action Line can verify because she has seen the merit badge sash.
So, without further ado, it's time to refresh the drinks and turn the show over to our guest responders.
What is all of this brouhaha about chickens in town? Local drivers already play chicken with pedestrians right downtown. - Inquiring Citizen
It seems some Durangoans want to play chicken and play with chickens right here in town. But the city feathers (er, fathers) are against allowing chickens for good reason.
"But if I have chickens, I wouldn't have to buy eggs at City Market," proponents say. "I'd be helping local grain growers, and the eggs would be fresh and organic." Yada yada.
Chickens are dirty birds, especially if you don't pick up after them. And Durangoans are notoriously unkempt.
Can you imagine piles of straw and chicken stuff sitting for months in the alleys?
Chickens attract varmints. Hawks, eagles, skunks, raccoons, foxes, lions and bears, bobcats, house cats and even Fido kills and/or eats chickens.
Oh yes, little Fido who never hurt a flea will dig under your fence and into your coop to slay chickens for fun.
And where do all these half-eaten chicken carcasses end up? In the alleys.
Could postal rate increases provide funds to fill in the giant potholes in front of the drive-through mailboxes at the downtown post office? - POP Complainer
During the winter of 2007-08, Action Line thought, "OK, this has been a rough winter. We'll give them some slack."
But it has been a year and nothing has improved.
So it's up to us to repair the gigantic craters.
Friends and neighbors on the Florida Mesa have volunteered to deposit horse manure to fill the potholes next to the railroad tracks
The mix of odors from the coal smoke and meadow muffins would provide the tourists with a real Western experience.
The other option would be POP races - Post Office Pothole races - to see who can survive dodging crevices and still put mail in the boxes in fewer than 30 seconds. Entry fees could repair the holes.
Or maybe everyone could voluntarily throw out a few rocks to fill the holes.
Or skip the post office and use the box at south City Market. Just stop in the middle of the road like everyone does, and trot over to the blue box to deposit the mail.
It really irritates the other shoppers when your idling vehicle blocks traffic, but a least your truck won't disappear in a bottomless void.
E-mail questions to actionline@
durangoherald.com or mail them to Action Line, The Durango Herald, 1275 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301. You can request anonymity if you remember to vote in the City Council election because it's vital to have new fodder for this column.