I noticed this sign at City Market, advertising bags of composted cow manure. Thing is, the placard’s headline reads “Fresh food. Low prices.” While $1.89 is a low price, I’m fairly sure that anything composted isn’t “fresh.” Nor is cow manure “food.” What’s your take on this? Sign me, Val U. Card
Action Line has a fertile imagination, so here is some food for thought regarding bovine byproduct.
The question reveals an anthropocentric anachronism. In other words, you’re viewing this from the outdated human perspective.
People aren’t the only living things requiring “food.”
Just ask the plants.
Not that plants can speak.
But they can certainly communicate.
Feed them a mixture of mellowed meadow muffins and see how the plants respond with vigor and healthy growth.
Thus, nutrient-rich composted cow manure is an excellent food. Just not for human beings.
Or is it?
Cow manure is a staple of modern life – we are fed vast amounts of bull you-know-what on a daily basis and seem to thrive.
In government and business, among family and friends, manure is spread thickly and with alarming consistency.
The world is one big pasture.
Regardless, “Fresh food. Low prices” is merely an overarching tagline.
City Market uses the branding placard for lots of other items next to the composted cow manure and bags of sheep-n-peat.
It’s featured above patio furniture, gas grills and umbrellas – which are inedible except to those suffering from pica, a psychological disorder marked by having an appetite for non-nutritive substances.
Seriously, you can look that up.
Thankfully, “Fresh food. Low prices” is posted on a nearby carton of red seedless watermelon.
It’s also adorns a nice selection of premium hanging baskets.
The baskets feature the popular plant “calibrachoa,” or million bells, which look like miniature petunias.
Mrs. Action Line enjoys cheerful hanging baskets with which to welcome guests to the front door.
What Mrs. Action Line doesn’t enjoy are the hanging baskets attracting unwelcome interlopers.
Yup. The deer.
One dark night, the incorrigible ungulates had a feast, even eating the pot of caladiums, which are supposed to be “deer proof.”
Nothing is safe.
So when City Market’s sign says “Fresh food. Low prices” on a hanging basket, just know that the “food” part refers to marauding mule deer.
HHHAfter a two-week intercontinental perambulation with Mrs. Action Line, it’s back to the grind.
Thank goodness the Mea Culpa Mailbag opens with a friendly note from our good friend and loyal reader Pam Jacobs, who also hates beets.
“I can relate to your recent column. I think it is the fault of my kindergarten teacher who made me eat all the beets on my plate or I would not get dessert – so I cleaned my plate and she still did not give me dessert! I have not eaten a beet since,” Pam reflects on the traumatic episode of her youth.
“Secondly, I used to teach English and have always been bothered when I see or hear a sentence that ends with a preposition – so you know where I am coming from.”
Pam now coordinates the Durango Cowboy Gathering parade and wanted to plug the upcoming Barn Dance and Picnic in the Park Fundraiser. It’s from 5 to 8 p.m. this Sunday at Rotary Park.
The Tim Sullivan Band will perform. Bring your own picnic or the VFW will serve burgers, brats and a side for $5.
Talk about “Fresh food. Low prices!”
For more information and tickets, visit DurangoCowboyPoetryGathering.org.
Email questions to firstname.lastname@example.org or mail them to Action Line, The Durango Herald, 1275 Main Ave., Durango, CO 80301. You can request anonymity if your composted cow manure is free-range, cruelty free, non-GMO, fair trade and local first.