A strange notice about a missing grizzly bear appeared last week in the Lost section of the classified ads. After reading it, I wondered: Should I upgrade my teeny little canister of bear spray for the super-size variety? And how does one catch a friendly, pregnant grizzly named Princess? Sign me, Afraid To Go into the Woods
In case you missed the ad, heres what it said:
Reward negotiable lost in Junction Creek forest past last bridge. 6 yr old Grizzly Sow, med size, very friendly, answers to Precious Princess. Wandered off during filming 7am Fri. Pregnant & needs special diet & vitamins. Please call if seen or caught. She has an orange ear tag & lip tattoo Montana #LL34 Bean XI.
Imagine a gregarious, tattooed and pierced, hairy mother-to-be with food issues roaming the forest around Durango.
When put in those terms, the situation doesnt seem so far-fetched.
Think of how many hirsute, supplement-eating earth muffins can be seen frolicking in the wilds of Junction Creek.
That describes a lot of mushroom hunters and dog walkers. Even mountain bikers.
But this interloper is obviously different. Precious Princess is much hairier and much needier.
But you can relax. The grizzly bear was just a practical joke.
Action Line contacted the folks whose number was on the ad, and the whole situation annoyed them. Obviously, the couple didnt want to be identified.
Seems that their dad, who was visiting, enjoys hijinks and published the fake notice to raise a ruckus and maybe a few eyebrows.
That, it did.
We got a few calls, most of them from people who were nervous about a grizzly bear on the loose. One person phoned and insisted that Princess was sitting at a bar downtown, the person said.
Its not the only time dad took out a wayward want ad.
The last time he was in town, we had lost a rooster. So he took out an ad. Everybody kept calling trying to give us their chickens. It was funny for a day or two, then it got old, the person said.
So dont worry about Precious Princess. The erstwhile ursine poses no urgencies.
Except maybe for our state representative and sheep rancher J. Paul Brown, who has problems with bears, especially bears on the lam so to speak.
Would Action Line answer a rhetorical question? Dan
What kind of question is that?
Were you aware that answering your question would defeat the purpose of a rhetorical question?
What if Action Line reminded readers that a rhetorical question is a query asked for a purpose other than to obtain the information the question asks?
Moreover, did you know that rhetorical questions encourage the reader or listener to think about what the (often obvious) answer to the question must be?
How many times must you be reminded of this? Is there some sort of hidden agenda to this rhetorical-question question? Did someone put you up to it?
Just what kind of person asks a rhetorical question in the first place?
What would happen in this town if everyone went around asking rhetorical questions?
Is this sustainable given the fact that a rhetorical question really doesnt need answers?
How bout them apples?
Email questions to firstname.lastname@example.org or mail them to Action Line, The Durango Herald, 1275 Main Ave., Durango, CO 80301. You can request anonymity if you come to Durango Public Library at 10 a.m. today for Action Lines free talk on wild tulips and other great bulbs as part of the Durango Botanical Societys annual bulb sale.