Dear Action Line: What happens to all those plastic bags I think I’m recycling at City Market? Do they really get recycled or is China just refilling them with Wuhan Virus to send back to the United States? – Deep State 9
Dear Deep State 9: According to City Market’s “Zero Hunger, Zero Waste” program, the single-use plastic bags are combined with other plastic packaging and eventually made into composite decking. The program has recycled more than 180 million pounds of plastic in the past three years.
Back in the good old days, circa 2017, all those plastic bags and other recyclable material could just be shipped to China, but then China got all stuck up and said it didn’t want to be our dumping ground anymore.
Action Line emailed the consul general of the People’s Republic of China in Chicago and asked why it will no longer take our fine made-in-the-USA garbage.
An unsigned email from the consul general (sent by the intern, probably) said, “This is a major measure to implement the new development concept of China, deepen our relevant reform, focus on improving the quality of China’s ecological environment, ensure national ecological safety and the health of the people.”
The intern also sent a link to a news story to help explain the topic. The link didn’t load at first, probably because it needed time to install some malware and notify the authorities that Action Line was soliciting help from the Communists, Antifa and QAnon.
Additional finagling eventually led to an article about why China no longer wants our junk, and an image of a perturbed panda. What looks like an embarrassed Durangotang, presumably, is being squashed by the word “TAX” while the panda admonishes, “That hurts the environment. Please take it back.”
The gist came through, but something was probably lost in translation. Feel free to submit an alternate caption to email@example.com, like it’s a cartoon contest sponsored by The New Yorker.
Dear Action Line: Your articles are just stupid and not helpful at all. – KR Wells.
Dear KR: Well, duh.
Dear Action Line: Has Walmart extended its parking lot to Roosa Avenue, south of the Ninth Street bridge? I’ve noticed an uptick of campers using the area alongside the river to do some long-term recreation and relaxation. I’m sure the city is aware of these cheap cheats and am wondering if they are just turning their heads or is this legal? Sign me, “I’m gonna rent out my house and pull my trailer down there and live for free, too.”
Dear ... reader: Durango Police Chief Bob Brammer was not aware of the phenomena, but said he will pass your tip to his officers and to the city’s code enforcement department. He appreciated the heads-up. So basically, busted, cheap cheats!
Dear Action Line: When you write your column do you strive to put all the action in the same line from week to week, or do you reposition the action from line to line using some pre-determined protocol or random chance? If the designated action in your columns is transient from week to week, or, as is more often the case, if you are taking action on more than one topic on any given week, shouldn’t your column be called “Action Lines” for accuracy? – Wryawry
Dear Wryawry: This column probably should be called “Action Lines,” but the grammatical possessives and conjugations would get really complicated with all the Action Lines, Action Lines’, Action Lineses, Action Lineses’, Action Linesessssss’essses and the “I Action Lie, you Action Lie, we all Action Lie for Action Line.”
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