Dear Action Line: For the past few years I’ve had to drive through the open pit mining that’s going on at the north entrance to Walmart. I’m all for resource extraction, but isn’t this the kind of operation that requires a permit within the city limits? – Axle Bust (nee Chip Window)
Dear Chip: The city of Durango is responsible for maintaining all public roads in the city. Private roads, like the Walmart parking lot, are not the city’s responsibility to maintain, but city code requires private, off-street parking to be kept in good condition, said Kevin Hall, assistant city manager.
“Our code enforcement staff will investigate,” he said. “If warranted, the responsible party will be notified of the need to do some maintenance.”
Dear Action Line: I’m a fan of preventive health care techniques and was considering a do-it-yourself, at-home colon cleanse. Can you suggest how I might get in touch with congressional candidate Lauren Boebert? I would like to get her recipe for pork sliders. I’ve read about them in this paper and they might be just the ticket. Thanks and stay healthy! – Juan de Oxford
Dear Juan: Congratulations on being proactive with your colon, and thanks for simultaneously thinking of this column when it comes to gastrointestinal distress.
The recipe you seek is for the famous pork sliders served by Boebert’s restaurant at an unlicensed vendor stand at a Rifle rodeo in 2017, and which sickened 80 people because the food was not properly served, according to the Post Independent.
A few days after the communal cleanse, Boebert sent a letter to the newspaper and clarified that, hey, there were also “many more” people who ate the sliders but who did not get sick, so don’t be haters.
She then gave a shout-out to the Kingdom of God and quoted Psalm 35, “The Lord be exalted who delights in the well-being of His servants.” Which is kind of ironic considering the sliders.
Boebert’s campaign did not respond to a request for where you can find the recipe. Action Line checked, and it’s not on her website, laurenforcolorado.com.
The good news is you don’t need Boebert’s recipe. You and I can make our own version. Call it “Slider Clenz.” Fill it with political pablum. Market it to left- and right-wing lunatics alike, with the slogan, “Guaranteed to make all frustration borne of this election cycle slide post-haste right out yer guts!”
Dear Action Line: Given that all parking meters are to be replaced this fall to a credit-card friendly model, will this put an end to the transit center card? – Meter reader
Dear Meter: The prepaid transit center cards, called GEM cards, will still be available after the switch, said Wade Moore, parking operations manager for the city of Durango.
Credit cards and GEM cards will both require a minimum payment of $1 for the prime parking spots downtown on Main Avenue. There’s a bit of social engineering going on, because if you are willing to hoof it a bit, you can drop the minimum to 50 cents by using a GEM card and not parking on Main Avenue.
“We hope that lower minimum for short stays will encourage locals to park away from Main, leaving that area for tourists and shoppers,” Moore said.
Dear Action Line: I hit a great shot at Hillcrest Golf Course but after the ball landed in a fairway a raven came down and took my ball into the sunset. Do the ravens like colored balls but leave the white ones alone, thinking they might be chicks? – Bird droppings
Dear Bird: No one knows for sure why corvids (ravens) do what they do, said Joe Lewandowski, spokesman for Colorado Parks and Wildlife. “In Britain, the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds recommended golfers use fluorescent golf balls,” he said.
“Corvids are curious and smart, but perhaps not so smart that they know the difference between a dimpled ball and an egg.”
Or, the raven, an avid golfer, was just jealous of your great shot; probably took it home to the fam and said, “Hey, this guy just hit a great shot, but check it out: I stole the ball!”
Corvids are notorious wisenheimers.
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