Who knew that in the ancient Mayan calendar, they would have predicted so much that pointed to the end of the world? Like the exact date that Lindsay Lohans horrendous Elizabeth Taylor biopic Liz & Dick would air on Lifetime? That Mariah Carey and Nicki Minajs egos would collide during American Idol auditions? That Donald Trump would act even more bizarrely than he did in 2011? And that Brad Pitt was even making a Chanel ad?
Seeing all that in their crystal ball, its understandable that the Mayans would have predicted doomsday in 2012. Little did they know that these celeb antics just pointed to yet another year in La-La Land.
Here are just a smattering of the things that made us want to cover Blue Ivys young eyes in 2012:
THAT AWKWARD MOMENT WHEN YOU REALIZE ANN CURRY WASNT THE PROBLEM: When the Today show ratings dipped after Curry took over for Meredith Vieira, the shows top brass assumed Currys sometimes clumsy and stiff interviews made fans uncomfortable. So they shoved the 15-year show veteran during in an even more uncomfortable, five-minute segment at the end of one hour, and watched their ratings dip turn into a full-fledged dive. Curry might not be a perfectionist in interviews, but shes apparently a genius at making voodoo dolls.
AT LEAST SHE FINALLY HAD A REASON TO LOOK MISERABLE: The good news: Kristen Stewart finally declared her love for Robert Pattinson. The bad news: She only did it after she was caught cheating with her married Snow White director, Rupert Sanders. In Stewarts uncomfortable, public I love him, I love him mea culpa to Pattinson, she apologized for the hurt and embarrassment she caused.
BREAKOUT PERFORMANCE OF THE YEAR: Just when we were getting used to Katie Holmes and Tom Cruises marriage, she engineers a daring escape usually depicted in a Lifetime movie marathon. Holmes bolted from Cruise after five years of marriage that resulted in one child and two diminished careers.
SUDDENLY, THE KARDASHIANS LOOK LIKE THE ROYAL FAMILY: We didnt think wed find anyone who drank more Red Bull than Demi Moore, until we happened upon the sensation of the year Honey Boo Boo. Seven-year-old aspiring beauty queen Alana Thompson and her family made us redneck-ognize the Mayans were wrong; the end of the world came way before 12-21-12.
SUDDENLY, THE ROYAL FAMILY IS LOOKING LIKE THE KARDASHIANS: If the royal jewels are really so valuable, why was Prince Harry showing them off so freely in Las Vegas? Harry gave a whole new meaning to Las Vegas strip when near-nude party pictures were revealed. Ironically Kate Middleton turned out to be the more naked royal when an invasive photog snapped private pictures of her and William on vacation.
TICKLE ME ELMO, NOW IN THE ADULT TOY SECTION: Say it aint so, Elmo! Kevin Clash, the voice behind that lovable ball of red fur, was accused by four men (at last count anyway) of seducing them when they were teens. Though Clash denied it all, he resigned.
REUNITED, AND IT FEELS SO ... CREEPY: In a perfect world, We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together would have been a duet featuring Chris Brown and Rihanna. Instead, the former abuser and victim spent 2012 making a sexually suggestive duet together, followed by sexually suggestive tweets followed by sexually suggestive photos of the pair all while Brown bounced back and forth with his girlfriend. Wait are we sure theyre not just re-enacting the Stevie J.-Joseline-Mimi triangle from Love & Hip-Hop: Atlanta?
COUPLE OF THE YEAR: With the debut of Kimye Kim Kardashian and Kanye West we finally had a couple who based their union on a shared value system. Unfortunately, that includes homemade sex tapes, narcissism, TMI and leather skirt-wearing.
SO MICHAEL WASNT THE CRAZY ONE? Three years after Michael Jackson died, the Jacksons proved they are as dysfunctional as ever: Jacksons children Prince and Paris took to Twitter to accuse Aunt Janet and other Jackson siblings of kidnapping their grandmother and caretaker, Katherine, after she went away without telling them. Turns out she was just trying to escape from Blankets icy glare.
MOTHER OF THE YEAR: Nadya Octomom Suleman took to working the pole and self-love porn to raise money to support her brood of 14.
AND NOW, PLAYING THE ROLE OF LINDSAY LOHAN, AMANDA BYNES: As if one unstable former child star wasnt enough, Bynes tried to double the fun this year with her Lohan-esque antics which included arrests, plenty of erratic behavior and crashing into cars. At least Lindsay is a role model to someone.
FUNNY THING IS, BOTH BYNES AND LOHAN COULD SEE OBAMA: Clint Eastwood dragged down Mitt Romneys doomed presidential campaign when he took center stage at the Republican National Convention and had a lengthy conversation with an invisible President Barack Obama, who apparently remained seated in his chair as Eastwood flung insults at him. But he got Eastwood back a short time later by making Trouble With the Curve invisible at the box office.
SO THATS WHY THEY CALL HALLE BERRY A KNOCKOUT: There was a new victim of Berrys constant man drama Gabriel Aubrys gorgeous face. Berrys fiance Olivier Martinez delivered a Pacquiao punch to Aubrys chiseled visage on Thanksgiving when Aubry came by to drop of his daughter with Berry, Nahla. To add insult to injury, Aubry was charged in the brawl, but at least he escaped serious punishment having to watch Cloud Atlas.