In my role as a professional, I have spent a fair amount of time and money on research and development. Of course, with my profession being fly fishing, my R&D consists of doing lots of fly fishing in many places.
While doing my self-funded R&D, (I’m still looking for some type of government grant for research) I stumbled across a cure for a modern day malady. I have discovered bamboo will cure Type-A Personalities, (TAP). This is such a huge breakthrough that I am submitting my name for some type of monumental prize.
Book upon book have been published addressing TAP. It is a real problem for many people, from parents to CEO’s. And, said people have spent millions on questionable cures. Well, I have found the cure. Further, it is available in many stores without a prescription. First, it is not bamboo that has been pulverized into powder and sold at health stores to be put on your morning bowl of Cheerios. This bamboo comes in lengths up to nine feet and is sold in fly shops. It is not excluded from the ACA. I checked with Nancy P., and even though she hasn’t read the legislation she felt sure this would be covered. That’s right, a bamboo fly rod will cure TAP.
A brief history of fly rods is needed to see how this cure works. The early fly rods were bamboo. However, they were heavy, not well-balanced, and very tiring to use. Then came fiber glass rods. They were heavy, had some flex, and were tiring to use. Next came graphite. It was a major advancement in our sport. They are light, well-balanced, have flexibility, and can be cast all day without tiring out the caster. Thankfully the R&D people didn’t leave well enough alone. Had they, there would be millions of sick people with no hope for a cure.
Using modern day physics, and the breakthroughs of the graphite rods, manufacturers have started producing bamboo rods that are balanced, lighter, flexible, and can be cast all day with no problem. What the manufacturers failed to notice was the calming effect casting a bamboo fly rod had on people afflicted with TAP. This is where I made my discoveries.
I found that first and foremost, to successfully cast a bamboo fly rod, a fly fisher, (women also suffer from TAP) has to slow down. If one hurries the cast it won’t work. With bamboo it takes longer for the rod to load on the back cast. The same is also true for the forward cast. I found hurried casts with bamboo produced, large wind knots, very short casts, and excessive amounts of line on the water, resulting in many missed fish. I watched many TAP people, just starting the cure, become screaming idiots. It can take many days of treatment to slow the cast down. By slowing down, the TAP person will begin thinking about his or her cast, not other “make you crazy” problems.
The first sign that a cure for their TAP was beginning to work are the smiles on their face. The pickup became smooth and flawless. Time was allowed for the line to unfold behind the caster, and the forward movement was also smooth with the rod stopping at the right place for a tight loop. As the fly landed without disturbing the water, the caster actually took a breath as he waited for a strike. If no strike occurred, a new cast was executed with grace and a smile on the now former TAP fly fisher’s face.
Some of my research, actually most it, was self directed. I have been accused, falsely, of exhibiting TAP from time to time. I now own two bamboo rods. I have also noticed that “She who must be obeyed” will sometimes stand at the back door, hand me a bamboo rod, and say, “Don’t come home until the medication kicks in.” Should I split my prize money with her?
Reach Don Oliver at email@example.com.