For many, the holidays are a time for giving, spending time with loved ones and coming together as a community.
But the holidays can also be stressful and emotionally fraught, especially for those who can’t afford gift-giving or don’t have close family ties and friends.
The feelings of joy and stress experienced by millions are no different for unhoused people, said Colin Ferring, a somatic counselor with La Plata Family Therapy.
But he suspects people who are unhoused may experience a higher level of stress and displacement this time of year, purely because issues of poverty and the absence of family are more prevalent among that population.
Ferring offered some insights on how all residents can navigate the holiday humdrums, especially those struggling financially or celebrating without family.
“The holidays are a time of love and support and care and abundance,” he said. “ … It is, for whatever reason, a time that we live from the heart, where there's a feeling of desire to give.”
In Western culture, gift-giving around the holidays is a way to show love and appreciation toward another person, Ferring said.
“(It) can be a healthy way of expressing love, as long as it doesn’t become something where that’s all it’s about,” he said. “My fear of living in a capitalistic culture is that there is a big emphasis on giving and receiving gifts, and it can be a point of stress.”
Gift-giving can be a slippery slope when people equate their love and appreciation toward another person with the cost of their gifts, he said. He suggests people show their appreciation in other ways, such as cooking a meal or simply being present and listening to loved ones.
“Hopefully, people take some time to consider what is something that is meaningful,” Ferring said. “Maybe it's not spending a lot of money on someone, but maybe it's taking some time to write a nice card or maybe it's taking time to make something with your hands.”
He acknowledged the stresses can be especially pronounced for parents who are struggling to afford rent, utility bills and gifts.
The holidays tend to be a time when people “live from the heart,” Ferring said. For whatever reason, some people are compelled to give to those who are less fortunate, he said.
He believes some people recognize there is privilege in the world – maybe because they had supportive parents, received a good education and were instilled with motivation – and they want to share that with others.
“Most all emotions are contagious, and the feeling of gratitude and this desire to give to others is also contagious,” Ferring said.
Anyone can feel grateful, regardless of their personal struggles, he said. That is not meant to diminish their troubles, he said.
The traditional way to celebrate the holidays is with family and friends, Ferring said. If people don’t have that support network, they may feel a lack of belonging, he said.
He questioned how many unhoused people lacked proper parental support growing up, and whether they have a family to return to around the holidays.
“In the case of being unhoused, a lot of individuals might not have family that are close, might not have people that they have known for a long time, might not have a familiar place to celebrate (the holidays),” Ferring said. “So it's quite likely that they could experience some level of displacement, some level of stress.”
Yet, families can also be a point of stress, he said.
Some families may have experienced a falling out, and reuniting can dredge up old feelings or make young adults feel like teenagers again – back when they were living under their parents’ control.
“It can be stressful just getting a family together, and that is provided you have family,” Ferring said.
Places like Manna soup kitchen and Community Compassion Outreach are hugely important this time of year because they offer a place for unhoused residents to congregate among themselves, he said.
“My hope is there is this emphasis on family and getting together and being around people you care about, “Ferring said.
Some unhoused residents tend to ignore the Christmas holiday altogether, said Donna Mae Baukat, director of Community Compassion Outreach, a nonprofit that provides services and advocates for Durango’s unhoused population.
They may have bad memories of past holidays or become depressed thinking about family members who are no longer in their lives, she said.
Others are excited about the holidays, as well as the special activities and meals put on by Manna soup kitchen and Community Compassion Outreach, she said.
While most unhoused residents are on the receiving end of gifts and services, some can get into the holiday-giving spirit, she said. They may not be able to purchase the latest and greatest gifts, she said, but they can give their time, knowledge and labor to the organizations that support them year-round.
Community Compassion Outreach recently moved into a new building along U.S. Highway 160 in west Durango. Some residents have offered to help secure basic necessities for the building, she said. In one case, Baukat said she would have needed to hire a contractor to complete a job, but a man who is unhoused volunteered and got it done.
For residents wanting to give a little extra this time of year, Baukat recommended they consider giving warm hats, gloves, socks and coats. She would also like to collect ski pants or waterproof shells that protect jeans from getting wet, she said. More can be found on the nonprofit’s Facebook page.
Residents can also inquire with Community Compassion Outreach about items the nonprofit needs for its new space at 21738 U.S. Highway 160, Suites A and B, which is on the south side of the highway where Healthy Hounds and Fat Cats used to be located.
shane@duurangoherald.com
