DEAR ABBY: A longtime neighbor and friend has accused me of stealing a ring. I had been providing her with transportation to visit her husband while he was in rehab recovering from a broken leg. I also took her on other errands.
One day, she was upset. She told me she had lost a bunched-up handkerchief that held something important, but wouldn’t tell me what it was. Eventually, she said she had a special ring wrapped in there, so we looked through my car several times.
I tried to help her retrace her steps and also asked when and where she may have left her pocketbook open or unattended. She then said I was the only one who had been with her pocketbook and that she was always very careful with her bag. I overlooked her subtle accusation because I knew she was distressed and frustrated.
My neighbor later came to dinner with my family, and I gave her another ride or two. Then she made a threatening hang-up call. When I went to her house (with a food gift) to address the situation, she didn’t answer the door, although I am fairly certain I heard her inside. After that, I stopped replying to her phone messages asking for more rides and other assistance. I hoped she would find her misplaced item.
Today, she knocked on my front door while I was out and gave my 13-year-old daughter an angry message that she wants her ring back. My daughter was very upset, as these are neighbors we have known a long time and were always friendly with. This is extremely distressing, and I am not sure how to respond, or how to resolve this. – Innocent in Colorado
DEAR INNOCENT: Your neighbor may have interpreted your not responding to her messages as a sign of guilt. You can reiterate that you are innocent until the cows come home, because I’m guessing her mind was pretty much made up that you were guilty after she “subtly” accused you of taking the ring. Short of taking a lie-detector test to prove your innocence, I doubt there will be anything you can say to convince her. It’s regrettable, but your long friendship with this woman is over. Even if she finds her ring, your relationship will never be the same.
DEAR ABBY: If you ask a guy out to dinner three times and each time he says he has already eaten, is it OK to stop trying to be a friend? I feel he could have been more honest about eating, and said something like, “Can I just get a soda or coffee? I would love to spend time with you.”
Anyway, I stopped talking to him, and then he asked me why I wasn’t still asking. When I told him why, he said he’d told me to take him out on his birthday. You don’t want my company until it is convenient for you? Now I’m confused. I think I will look for a friend somewhere else. – Ignored in the East
DEAR IGNORED: When someone refuses three invitations, it means he isn’t interested. Do the poor guy (and yourself) a favor – quit trying to script your relationships and look for friendship elsewhere.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
