Human development is so interesting. I’m seeing many more unfolding details at this end of life, now that I’m there. And lately, I’m seeing a whole other level of old age, a distinct difference between “old age,” and “old, old age.” A couple of people I know are beginning to enter this latter stage, and once again, they are becoming role models for me.
That’s what’s so great about knowing human development, we always learn what’s coming next. It’s helpful to know 5-year-olds experiment with lying, girls 13 to 15 are their most difficult, with boys it’s 15 to 17, and adults in midlife tend to really look at life and make big changes sometimes.
Erik Erikson, the theorist known for his system of human development, divides our lives into eight different stages. During each stage, people experience a psychosocial challenge that acts as a turning point. His eighth, and last stage, is all grouped into one old age. It starts at about age 65, can be triggered by life events such as retirement, loss of a spouse, illness or other changes to major roles in life.
This last stage of Erikson’s is titled Ego Integrity vs. Despair. The key conflict centers on questioning whether or not we have led a meaningful, satisfying life. The virtue of this stage is care, and the task therein is to assess and make sense of our lives and the meaning of our contributions. We either find a sense of wisdom and fulfillment (Integrity) or experience disappointment and regret (Despair). Can we find peace and acceptance as we face our final years, or do we dwell on mistakes or missed opportunities, bitterness and resentment?
I feel there is a huge difference though, between when I retired, signed on to Social Security and Medicare, etc., and the situations I see for people I know who are in their 80s and beyond. In earlier old age, I was way too busy to even ponder these big questions. They require time and reflection, something much more prevalent later in our old age.
Another human development expert, Bill Plotkin, author of “Nature and the Human Soul,” looks at our development in more of a nature-based way. He does divide this last part of life into Early Elderhood and Late Elderhood. There are no age definitions, only maturity steps to achieve these points.
The earlier stage’s task is caring for the community and the gift is wholeness. There is less doing and more being, a letting go of striving, and being less controlling. Allowing, rather than pushing. We become more our true selves and more instinctively embody our character in everyday behaviors. There can also be some withdrawal and solitude to allow this passage to unfold in its own way. We tend to gravitate to what’s really in our hearts, and may contribute to our community in some form. We never had the time before.
I remember when I first retired, there was this openness and time to really explore the next thing. I was not willing to jump right into something.
The final threshold of Plotkin’s Elderhood, is a time of fulfillment. We let go of lesser things and consider what is of true and lasting value. We feel the innocence of a child, yet the wisdom of an elder, the Sage, being fully present. We experience grief, and possibly illness, and may withdraw, from driving, sports and social things. We feel the losses of dexterity, strength, balance, visual acuity and perhaps some memory.
And we prepare to surrender to spirit. The gift we have now is grace, and ideally we have no resistance to death. We have already obtained acceptance of it, and “celebrate this final journey with the mystery.” We become eternal, in our legacies and in others’ memories.
So it is. Whichever of these theories or others we relate to, it’s good to have some guidelines. I look to these older Sages as my teachers for what’s next, and honor their progress through the their long and abundant passages of time.
Martha McClellan has lived in Durango since 1993 and has been an educator, consultant and writer. Reach her at mmm@bresnan.net.
