I know this is a First World problem, but it’s been bugging me for a while. Why are blocks of Swiss cheese always more expensive than cheddar, pepper jack and other “regular” cheeses? The other day at City Market, a 16-ounce block of “regular” cheese was on sale for $4.79. The Swiss cheese was the same price, but for 12 ounces. We’re not talking gourmet, just the stuff by the eggs and yogurt. Sign me, Helvetia Fromage
Here are two possible conspiracy theories.
First, we could blame Swiss cheese price differentials on, the totally corrupt Zurich-based “governing” body of soccer, where “governing” means kickbacks, bribes and vote-rigging. “Cheese” wasn’t cited in last week’s indictments of 16 more top racketeers, er, soccer executives. However, we can assume lot of cheese was served at FIFA’s lavish parties at posh Swiss hotels.
A second possible explanation might have something to do with Swiss exports, which are famously upscale and expensive. But there’s a problem: “Swiss” cheese is neither Swiss nor a luxury good. Grocery store Swiss is made on a massive scale in the good ol’ U.S. of A. Last year, 297.8 million pounds of Swiss cheese was produced in America. That was up 1.1 percent from 2013 but off the record 336.5 million pounds in 2010. These facts come from Cheese Reporter. Yes, there is such a publication. Cheese Reporter is The New York Times of fermented dairy products, and it is a big deal in milk-centric communities.
For the real explanation, we turn to a Big Cheese in the grocery world. Our source, who insisted on anonymity, provided a slice of cheese insight and poked several holes in Action Line’s cheesy speculations.
“There are more steps to creating Swiss,” said the Big Cheese.
The holes, or “eyes,” in Swiss cheese are the result of beneficial microbes introduced during the fermentation process.
The microbes create gas bubbles, and cheese makers have to monitor and flip the cheese every so often to make sure the “eyes” are distributed uniformly, the Big Cheese added.
Yet the number of holes in Swiss cheese has been declining for the past 15 years.
This fact comes from The New York Times. Yes, there is such a publication. The New York Times is the Cheese Reporter of important world events, and is a big deal in news-centric communities. The paper cited a discovery by the Swiss Agroscope Institute. Researchers there determined that microscopic specks of hay were key factors in creating the famous holes.
Milking traditionally was done in barns; however, today’s dairy production is fully automated, spic and span on an industrial scale. So there’s far less hay dust floating around.
That’s not the only issue with “eyes.” The U.S. government actually regulates them. Why? It’s all about cutting the cheese. Traditional Swiss cheese used to feature holes the size of nickels or bigger. Turns out these larger holes slowed down or jammed high-volume cheese-slicing machinery.
Rather than invent a better slicer, producers lobbied Uncle Sam to reduce the size of holes. So now, cheese holes must be no larger than three-eighth of an inch to be labeled “Grade A” Swiss. It just so happens that mandating smaller cheese holes also shortens the required aging time. This, in turn, boosts domestic mass production.
The shortcut results in less flavor and rubbery texture, cheese critics lament. The Swiss say “mon Dieu” to this phony fondue.
So if you want Swiss, Swiss cheese, keep an “eye” out for genuine “Emmentaler Switzerland.” Just know it will put a hole in your pocketbook.
Email questions to actionline@durangoherald.com or mail them to Action Line, The Durango Herald, 1275 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301. You can request anonymity if you figured out who moved your cheese.
